A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."

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Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

Optician: Didn't the new glasses help?

Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

Patient: During my examination, Ma'am, I heard the Doctor use a four-letter word that upset me very much.

Lady: What word was that?

Patient: "Oops!"

One day a man walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse that he wants to see the eye/ear doctor.

"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

No, I need to see an eye/ear doctor he says.

"But there is no such doctor", she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye/ear doctor."

No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye/ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye/ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see one?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."